Video:”STOP Trying to Make Straight Pride Happen”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfsC9sJ0js4
Look, I’m just going to say it right off the bat: I don’t have a problem with the gays. I’m not even sure if it is politically correct to call them “the gays” anymore. It is so hard to keep track nowadays; first “queers” was offensive, and now I’m told that that’s what they want to be called. I got dirty looks from the girls behind be in line at the grocery store for saying “dyke” on the phone to my buddy the other day, but apparently they can call themselves that and it’s fine? I call bullshit. You can’t just call yourself a dyke and then get mad when other people say it.
They think they’re so powerful now that they have the right to marry. If you ask me, things were better before the government allowed them to do whatever they want. It’s gotten to the point that if you don’t fawn over two dudes practically making out in the street, people think you’re homophobic. I’m not homophobic, like I said, people can do whatever they want, but I don’t want to see that stuff while I’m minding my own business.
I was at the bar with my buddy a couple weeks ago, and lo and behold, right on the TV was a news story about this year’s gay pride parade.
We both scoffed. “Why do they need a whole parade for being gay?” I asked, “Haven’t they got what they wanted by being able to get married? The whole thing just seems like a spectacle just to feel special and different.”
“I don’t know,” he sighed, “Every time I go anywhere there’s pride this, pride that, ‘be proud of who you are’ bullshit. But if I say that I’m proud to be straight, suddenly I’m the bad guy.”
“You know you’re right. Wouldn’t it be funny if we organized a straight pride parade? Just to show them that they can’t make us feel bad about who we are just because they want to feel special about themselves.”
He laughed, “Yeah I’m sure they would love that”
“No, I’m serious. I am so tired of feeling like I shouldn’t be proud of my heterosexuality. I’ve faced problems because of it too, you know! If you ask me, straight people are the oppressed ones nowadays; we have to keep quiet about who we’re into while the queers get to parade around the city with their rainbow flags and fag haircuts, practically humping in the streets. Let’s start our OWN parade.”
And so we did. We took to the streets the next weekend, holding up signs depicting heterosexual love, with flags outlined in solely black and white, so as not to resemble their rainbow flag. People didn’t take to our parade very kindly, but hey, we’re just exercising our right to free speech right? Maybe by this time next year, we’ll have our own month and more supporters. Through our brave endeavor, the heterosexual voice will be heard again after being silenced for so many years.
— A PROUD straight white man
Process Notes: This narrative is very ironic, and in some ways a bit too much so. However, heterosexual people organizing a straight pride parade actually did happen last year and for most of the reasons that the narrator mentions in my narrative. I wanted to be able to expose this type of thinking in order to highlight that not only is a straight pride parade not necessary, but it is intrinsically homophobic. Queer people on a daily basis are still fighting for the rights that many straight people take for granted, for example, not being called “fag” and “dyke.”