Letter:
To my Ladies:
Whether you or your mother made the decision to enroll you in this class, I thank you for entrusting me with your Sunday afternoons. I understand the feelings of futility that you may be experiencing right now. After all, who wants to waste three hours learning how to shake hands and memorizing all the pieces of silverware? I know I didn’t. I will admit, however, that these Cotillion classes taught me some very important lessons, lessons that simply weren’t contained within the confines of the manual that we passed out at the beginning of class. During my six years of involvement with this program, I’ve learned to take all that is said here with a grain of salt or a recognition of my own, personal skepticism. I implore you all to do the same. However, you also have every right to make that decision for yourselves. With that in mind, I want to remind you of some things before this year kicks off.
For one, you are strong and you are powerful. We must enter this class with that knowledge intact. You will, for the next six months, be considered the weaker sex. You will be told that you are to be protected and that it is your male counterpart’s responsibility to do things for you. If you are comfortable with those statements, then that’s okay. However, if you find operating under the presumption that you are like a child to be guided jarring if not a bit insulting, you are not alone. The lessons that we teach here are, unfortunately, not as contemporary as the National League of Junior Cotillions claims; much of what you will learn comes directly from Emily Post’s Etiquette, 1945 edition. Here, in the 2018-2019 season, you have every right to determine the rules by which you will live. It is neither my job, nor Mrs. Humphries’ job, nor anyone else’s job to tell you what you can and cannot do. There are many different ways to be an upstanding member of society, only some of which require you to wear a skirt. You can choose your own path.
Your worth as a person is not determined by the path that you take. If you decide to throw these rules to the wind and exist in a less by-the-book manner, you are not giving up your value. On the other hand, choosing to follow these rules does not make you better than anyone else. You never know the choices that you will have to make, so don’t judge those of others. There are some people in this world who do not abide by that instruction. Please don’t let them get in your way. At the end of the day, I hope that you wear what you want, love who you want, and do what you want, because having that dominion over yourself is the most beautiful act of defiance.
I have not said all that I want to say, nor do I have that option. There is simply not enough time, nor are there enough words, for me to share those things with you. In truth, I’d likely be doing you a disservice by telling you everything and not allowing you to discover it for yourself. However, allow me to leave you with this: be good and be kind, be generous and be wise, and don’t let the bastards get you down. Have fun this year!
All love, always,
The Assistants.
Lecture
[From Then to Now: A Lecture on Etiquette and Standing the Test of Time | Mrs. Patrick (Susan) Humphries, NLJC]
Just as in any other field, there are works that remain relevant despite their age. One of these texts, Emily Post’s Etiquette, makes up the bulk of what we will teach this year not because of its age, but because of its continual adaptability to our time. Elegance and class shall never go out of style, after all. Thus, any deviation from our material will not be tolerated.
I’ve some instructions for you regarding the students. For the ladies, exemplary behavior is key. They will watch you because they crave validation. They will mimic your clothing, so promiscuity may be unwise unless you want them to run amock in crop tops and miniskirts. It’s distracting for the boys. The rules of semiformal attire will be observed. Thus, I expect them to be clean, unwrinkled, and preferably colorful. Also, skirts are to be worn at all times. If they wouldn’t wear it to church, they shouldn’t wear it here, and no respectable woman in this state would wear pants to church. It’s distracting for the boys. Small talk shan’t be tolerated, nor grandiose conversations. Ideally, silent ladies are sweet ladies. I don’t want them gossiping. It’s unbecoming. Ensure that they do not dance together. I don’t want any of these subverted ideas getting into their minds. Instead, gently encourage them to practice the steps on their own. In any case, do not allow them to gather in shrill groups. It’s distracting for the boys. I expect them to be upstanding, classy, and pleasant at all times like the good little girls that they shall be.
For the boys, keep them off of their phones with jackets on. Thank you for your attention and I look forward to working with you this season.
Process Notes: This week’s assignment was particularly interesting. I wanted to explore these two sides of my time in Cotillion–my version of the experience and a brief lecture that my director delivered to us assistants before the year began. The latter isn’t exact, but it’s really not far off; many of these sentences are exact quotes. It was important to me to make rather clear the things that were expected of us as students in opposition to the things that I learned by reading between the lines. I hope that I was able to shed some light on this tradition. I’m not so sure how to feel about these works, but it was an interesting challenge nonetheless.