Throughout The Undying, Anne Boyer focuses in great detail on the idea of “appearance.” This is only logical, due to the traditional image of “breast cancer” we have in our minds. When my mom’s best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, my mind immediately constructed a picture of her without hair and at what would have been an unhealthy weight. She never actually lost her hair, but the image I simply created persists in my mind to this day. 

Writing on page 112, after she undergoes surgery, Boyer writes, “We looked at what we could see, one of us in horror, me in harsh, curious insistence.” Her friend’s reaction to the image of Boyer’s operated-upon body is one of horror mixed with sympathy, a common reaction to visible symptoms of serious diseases, but hers is one of curiosity – to her, it is her body, not ugly or beautiful, just hers.

When she writes about the exhaustion incurred by her disease on pages 250-251, she discusses this phenomenon from a slightly different angle. By getting out of bed, getting dressed, and going about their daily business every day, a sick person, to a certain extent, presents an air of normal appearances, but are sick on the inside. While this is nearly the inverse of the example above, it is yet another way that appearances subvert the reality of illness.

This discussion of appearances is crucial in striving to make a better world. We live in a world where most will eagerly give up their seat on the train for someone who is visibly pregnant or ailing, but might not for someone who puts on the appearance of normalcy, even if they are suffering behind that mask. Inversely,  it’s just as possible for a person who is not suffering but for whatever reason has the appearance of a suffering person, and to be treated with deference they don’t need (which can be hurtful). 

We base so much of the actions we take throughout the day, and when it comes to illness and disability, this can be seriously harmful and impactful. This, among many, many other reasons, is why this memoir is so powerful and important.