A Defense of My Final Project:

The queer voice today is louder than it ever has been. Pride flags proudly hang outside establishments and billow strongly in the forceful wind, influential institutions like our very own university encourage the use of introducing oneself with their preferred pronouns, and legislation passed in the past few years has allowed queer people to share the same rights as their heterosexual peers than ever before. However, transgender women are still being murdered at an alarming rate, the current adminisitration has created laws that actively discriminate against LGBTQ+ citizens, and schools are firmly silencing its queer students. Because of these reasons, and many more, my final project is an absolutely necessary testament of the queer voice that many have attempted to squash under the boot of institutional protection. This project proves that though many have tried to silence us, we still scream for justice, for representation, and for equality. 

Over the course of this class, I have realized that there are plenty of different ways to write about social change. From manifestos, to letters, to memoirs, and even memes, these different mediums allow for different perspectives and experiences to shine through. Through this course, I have seen how meaning can be expressed in more ways than just language. Layli Long Soldier’s WHEREAS and Nick Drnaso’s Sabrina made this quite clear to me, as they both relied on formatting and the purposeful lack of language to express their respective points. A question that still lurks in my head is how exactly I can incorporate this lack of language and formatting into my own work in order to express my point. Can I make a point about social change that does not inherently rely on language? 

Process Notes: I know these two paragraphs don’t really go together, but I wanted to write the first one as a possible introduction to my project, and the second paragraph responds to the prompt for this week’s assignment. I wanted to include some poetic elements and imagery in my first paragraph as poetry is a form of literary expression that I love. I would be open to feedback if this doesn’t particularly work here, or ways in which I can connect these two paragraphs. Also, I plan to title my final project, I’m just not sure what it is yet.

Reading Brecht’s “On Chinese Acting” created a stark contrast between Western and Chinese theater and made me question the Western theatrical practices that I have always seen as normal. Brecht begins the essay by discussing “alienation” (Brecht, 130) in Chinese theater. That is, acting that does not elicit an empathic response from the audience, therefore creating an emotional distance from the audience and the actors. This idea seems quite foreign to me, as I believe the goal of nearly every Western play is to incorporate pathos in some way in order to create an emotional connection to the work in the audience, therefore resulting in the audience liking the performance and feeling moved by it. This alienation, as Brecht titles it, is not always present and necessary in Chinese theater. 

Additionally, I was rather struck by Brecht’s description of the Chinese actors’ performance, as “he makes it clear that he knows he is being looked at” (Brecht, 130). This was fascinating to me, as I have witnessed in Westernized plays that the actors and others producing the play that they aim to distract the audience from the very fact that they are witnessing a performance (i.e. costumes, changes in scenery, lack of interaction with the audience), as well as the expectation of the Western actor to become their character completely, eliminating any trace of the actor and replacing them with the character. I believe this is also done to appeal to the emotional attachment of the audience, as they are led to believe the illusion that they are witnessing real life instead of a performance. 

Maybe it is just my Western bias, but I believe the European approach to theater is more effective in creating a more meaningful experience for the audience. However, I do believe that the Chinese form of acting does focus on the talents of the actors in how they construct their performance. I’d be interested in learning about this topic further.

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*Text of the cross: We demand that this symbol no longer represents the silencing and erasing of queer students attending Catholic schools around the world, and rather provides a space where individuals feel loved, supported, and welcomed schools and that these communities encourage coversations regarding identity and diversity so as to ensure that not one more queer kid grows up in love. 

To the administration and staff of St. Ignatius College Prep: 

Along with this cross we write this manifesto on behalf of queer faculty and staff, and any queer or questioning student who roams your halls like we did. I write this manifesto because you know damn well that your administration does not give a shit about queer people: eliminating support groups and public clubs related to LGBT matters, removing the word “gay,” “queer,” or “LGBT” from any kind of educational and religious discourse, and even firing your dedicated staff when their gayness becomes known to the student body. Your proud Jesuit mission of “Men and Women for Others” doesn’t mean shit when you don’t include queer people in your mission, because “that’s what the Catholic Church would do.” A change is long overdue. 

Here are our other demands: 

WE DEMAND fundamental changes to your school policy and treatment of LGBT people.

WE DEMAND that rhetoric like this be removed from your school and be replaced with a more sensitive way to address LGBT people. 

WE DEMAND you add sexual orientation and gender identity to your non-discrimination policy. 

WE DEMAND that the support group be reinstated, and that an LGBT club can publicly meet on school grounds.

WE WILL NOT TOLERATE this blatant discrimination that has ruined lives any longer.

Sincerely, 

The queer community of St. Ignatius College Prep

Process Notes: I was very much inspired by Layli Longsoldier’s formatting of some of her poetry in Whereas to format this manifesto; I used a demand and shaped it in the form of the cross, and this creates a focused and interactive response in the readers. Something I struggled with in this piece was trying not to keep repeating the issues I bring up in previous pieces in an attempt to avoid being too repetitive.

A striking phenomenon that Anne Boyer points out in her book The Undying is the representation of the cancer, specifically breast cancer, patient in literature, film, and other forms of media. She describes that this account of the cancer patient does not come from the patient themself, but from a family member, spouse, or close friend of them. She describes, “In literature, one person’s cancer seems to exist as an instrument of another person’s epiphanies, and sickness takes the form of how a sick person looks” (Boyer, 111). The experience of the sick person is often told through their loved one’s hardship or grief, instead of relying on the firsthand account of the sick person themselves. This made me ask myself: Does the loved one’s experience with the sickness override that of the sick? The obvious answer it may seem is no, of course not, the sick person experiences tremendous amounts of pain while always carrying around the emotional weight of their diagnosis and the question if they will even survive. 

Anne Boyer’s text illustrates the experience of being a breast cancer patient in modern times from her own experience but also harping upon the shared experience of many patients as they deal with the healthcare system. Boyer structured her text by devoting the first half of it to her diagnosis, treatment, and her relationship to her illness, while in the second half, explaining the frustrations she experienced while dealing with the modern health care system. In structuring the text this way, she sets up a call to action (an inherent example of writing and social change) to restructure the way the world thinks of sick people and to save their lives.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of sex, sexual activity 

I hate going to the doctor. Not just any specific doctor really– all of them: dentist, psychiatrist, general practitioner, you name it. There is just something so unnatural to me about some stranger taking an intimate look at my body, or at least parts of it, touching it with their cold, gloved hands and either saying everything looks good or telling me what I need to do to change it. To which I always respond with something along the lines of “okay, thanks” and walk out of the office only to return a year later. 

So, I guess I hated the doctor for reasons that everyone else hated the doctor. It wasn’t until I got older that I started to hate the doctor for more reasons than I used to. When I went for my yearly check-up right when I turned 17, my doctor asked my mom to leave the room. I knew what was coming. She gave me a warm but professional smile, “Are you sexually active?” Even though I anticipated this question for the days leading up to the appointment, I still had no idea what to say. Since I went to Catholic school for my entire life, I had practically no sex education other than “remaining abstienent is the best way to not end up pregnant or with an STD.” So, forget any useful sex education that pertains to horny teenagers, let alone queer sex education. 

Flustered and suddenly anxious and red in the face, I had to tell her that the only experience I had was with someone of the same sex and that I was not sure if that qualified as sexually active. She simply nodded and asked, “So you’re practicing safe sex?” I promptly responded yes. How can I have unsafe sex if I’ve never been with a man? 

It wasn’t until my first year of college that I learned that STDs can be transmitted through same sex acts, specifically between sexual partners of the female sex. This was an eye-opening thing for me to learn. Why hadn’t anyone told me this before? It also wasn’t until a few months after that that my friend told me what dental dams were and how they were a good way to prevent against the spread of STDs when performing oral sex. 

If the health care system wants to prevent the spread of STDs among those who are sexually active, why don’t they alert those having sex of the ways they can practice it safely? Growing up, I was very aware of contraceptives used between sexual partners of the same sex, but where was this rhetoric for the queer community? This has been quite frightening to think about, as another public health crisis specifically centering around the queer community could very well happen again. 

Process Notes: When I first started writing this piece, I wasn’t really sure exactly what I could say, as I hadn’t associated my topic with anything STEM oriented before. As I kept writing, though, I realized that I do have experience with my queer identity in relation to sex education and the health care system. Even though this experience is my own, it is clearly shared by many queer individuals (AIDS crisis, as evidence). Writing this has made me realize that the lack of proper sex education in Catholic schools is another issue that pertains to my topic.

Reading both Ruskin and Baldwin’s versions of their own open letters as well as their lectures was quite interesting, as the tones the authors took up were very different. In Ruskin’s pieces, his tone shifted from his lecture to his letters. In his lecture, his tone is quite rigid and academic and to be honest, I started to become a little bored after a while. Nonetheless, this provided the framework for his lecture to be highly informational and objective, which I assumed to be his goal. His letters, on the other hand, came across to me as rather conversational, playful, but also informative. This came across to me especially when he writes, “That last sentence is wonderfully awkward English, not to say ungrammatical; but I must write such English as may come today” (Ruskin, 323).

Baldwin’s tone remained the same in his lecture and letter to his nephew. In both these pieces, he writes with a sense of urgency and concern about America’s social climate. This is evident right off the bat when he says, “Let’s begin by saying that we are living through a very dangerous time” (Baldwin, 678). He goes on to explain in this lecture that this dangerous time is the erasure of black identity and opportunity by the dominating whiteness of society. He also stresses the importance of education as well as its paradox: that society encourages an education, but what education does is expose the broken framework of society. This tone of urgency and concern is paired with an overall sentiment of sadness and despair in his letter to his nephew, as he attempts to educate his nephew about the reality of society as his nephew prepares to emerge into young adulthood as a black man in a white society.

Open Letter 

Dear teacher, 

I’ve gone back and forth in my head if it was worth writing this letter to you, if I should share my pain with you or just let it go. The problem is, though, I can’t just let it go. What I experienced in your senior year religion class will stick with me forever. 

When I walked into your Peace and Justice and the Catholic Church class on the first day of senior year, I was looking forward to it. I was excited to apply what I’ve learned about Catholic teaching to modern day politics, especially with the 2016  presidential election coming up that November. Even though I knew I would disagree with several of the Catholic Church’s views on social issues, I was prepared to be challenged and to listen to opinions different from my own. But what I heard I was not prepared for. 

I was not prepared to for the queer community to be talked about like we are a different species exisiting within and polluting the society that “people like you and me,” as you referred to you and your students as, live in. I was not prepared to hear you place the blame on the queer community for singlehandedly secularizing a once Christian society, for instilling corrupted values into the minds of today’s youth. I was certainly not prepared to hear you liken gay people to psychopaths, as we are born with a diseased mind and have sinful urges we need to control in order to preserve the safety of others. And also for the words “fag” and “dyke” joined with a slight chuckle to exit your mouth so freely when quoting something another homophobe said, as if you were just waiting for someone else to say it so you can too. At this point, I guess I was prepared for when you said, “Look, guys this is hard for me too: I have some friends who are gay, and they really are wonderful people, but this is what the Bible says.” I don’t think the word “fag” appears anywhere in the Bible, but if anyone should know it would be you, being the religion teacher.

I am not just like you, sir. I am queer and I am proud of it, despite the harmful rhetoric you tried so hard to get into my head. In a way, what you said only makes me prouder, as I have proved to myself that me and my diseased mind and secularizing powers can be happy polluting society, as you called it. But I hope to the God you swear by that not one more queer student of yours has to endure the hateful speech you project, becauase one queer kid is already far too many. 

A Guide to Queerness in your School 

Whether you like it or not, your school will have queer students, most likely more than a handul of them. There will be some who are loud and proud, while there will be others who are deeply closeted and scared of their own existence. No matter the type of queer student(s) you encounter, it is your responsibility to make sure they are cared for, supported, and able to exist in an environment where they can thrive. 

First, it is absolutely essential to include LGBTQ+ history school curriculum. Queer history is an important part of history of the last century. Students should learn about the LGBT revolution of the 1970s, the Stonewall riots, the AIDS crisis, and the marriage equality bill of 2015. All of these events can be and should be included in any contemporary history class. Additionally, the queerness of historical figures should be discussed within the class, instead of concealing it, since their queerness most likely had a large effect on their life and work. 

Secondly, schools should be a place where students can feel safe, protected, and cared for. Therefore, an explicit LGBTQ+ support system should be in place in every school. This can be a GSA (gay-straight alliance), a support group among a counselor and students, or one on one consueling options for any queer student seeking guidance. As a student may not have access to any support outside of school, administrations should be explicit in conveying that these types of programs are available to the students. This safe queer space also extends to spaces such as bathrooms, as every school should have at least one gender neutral bathroom for transgender and gender nonconforming students. Additionally, schools should encourage inclusive language, and discourage derogatory language and slurs. For example, teachers and administrators should promote the use of introducing oneself with their preferred pronouns. 

Process Notes: 

I had a bit of trouble navigating the tone of my open letter, but I chose to go the bitter, hurt, but firm route in order to express how much my experience affected me and how this behavior is absolutely unacceptable. I felt as though the open letter was a good way to tell my own experience and the lecture a way to express how I would’ve liked my own high school experience to have been like.

Layli Long Solider’s Whereas is probably my favorite text that I’ve read for this course so far. Her personal stories of being from Lakota tribe ancestry were made so much more vivid, complex, and were completely turned around by her addition and elimination of certain words. The addition of the single word “whereas,” to which she derives the title of the entire book from, has this effect. Each whereas statement seems to be a response to the apology to Native Americans that was signed in 2009. In the introduction to her whereas statements, Long Solider writes, “I am a citizen of the United States and an enrolled member of the Oglala Sioux Tribe, meaning I am a citizen of the Oglala Lakota Nation–and in this citizenship, I must work, I must eat, I must art, I must mother, I must friend, I must listen, I must observe, constantly I must live” (Long Soldier, 57). While the apology issued by the government seems to act as a way to clear their conscience and demonstrate a pro-Native American stance, Long Solider’s whereas statements interject this, exposing the many difficulties she faced and still faces as a Native American woman. To me, this really orchestrated the power one word can have when transmitting language.

Additionally, I found the way she structured and formatted her poetry was very fascinating. For example, in poem 3 of “Resolutions,” she includes the official text in the forefront of the poem, while the more specific, more honest text is presented in footnotes. Therefore, the specific text is hidden and less regarded as the most important, but is still present and absolutely crucial. I found her formatting particularly interesting in poem 7 of this same chapter in which she discusses boundaries. She places “boundaries, their boundaries, etc.” (Long Soldier, 97) in a box, providing a literal visual aid of physical boundaries juxtaposed with the non-physical ones.

Original Document:

RESPECT AND NO-HARASSMENT POLICY

Saint Ignatius College Prep works hard to create and maintain a safe and secure academic and social environment for all its students and to prevent situations that create offensive conditions. The school wishes to recognize and celebrate the diversity of our school community.

A major goal of Saint Ignatius College Prep is to teach and encourage students to become men and women who are aware of their own talents and blessings and who are willing to share them with others in open, loving and generous ways. Saint Ignatius recognizes its obligation to prepare its students to live, work and serve others in our increasingly diverse society.

Interactions among students and adults should, therefore, reflect acceptance of and sensitivity to the diversity within the school community. Affirming the richness of diversity in a community is not simply avoiding intolerance. Rather, it is a way of thinking, seeing, and behaving that demonstrates an understanding and respect for all ethnic and cultural traditions.

My version:

RESPECT AND NO-HARASSMENT POLICY

Saint Ignatius College Prep works hard to create and maintain a safe and secure academic and social environment for all its students and to prevent situations that create offensive conditions. The school wishes to recognize and celebrate the diversity of our school community.

A major goal of Saint Ignatius College Prep is to teach and encourage students to become men and women who are aware of their own talents and blessings and who are willing to share them with others in open, loving and generous ways. Saint Ignatius recognizes its obligation to prepare its students to live, work and serve others in our increasingly diverse society.

Interactions among students and adults should, therefore, reflect acceptance of and sensitivity to the diversity within the school community. Affirming the richness of diversity in a community is not simply avoiding intolerance. Rather, it is a way of thinking, seeing, and behaving that demonstrates an understanding and respect for all ethnic and cultural traditions.

Process Notes:

This is the official Respect and No-Harassment Policy in the student handbook from my high school. I didn’t add any words here–just simply crossed some of them out. This “policy” is extremely vague, so one part of my aim in crossing out words was to emphasize its vagueness in making a general claim about diversity. Also, I did cross out some of the words crucial to establishing what they were trying to get across, which as a result, makes this statement read a very different way. My choice to do this comes from a reflection of my own experience there, especially when crossing out “celebrate” as the school just barely recognized diversity, as well as “all ethnic and cultural” since the only tradition they seemed to understand and respect was the Catholic tradition.

To be in Both a Time of Traditionalism and Progressivism 

To be woken up by the shrillness of the alarm. To stay in bed until the last possible minute. To button up my shirt and button my pants. To frantically cover up the hickey on my neck. To construct the identity of “the boyfriend” who gave it to me if anyone asked. To pack my lunch. To get on the train. To hear a gay joke made once again. To smile and laugh. To hold back tears. 

To sit through another fifty minutes of religion class. To witness another “abortion is murder” debate instigated by my teacher. To exist in the silence of my classmates as no one dared to argue. To hear yet another homophobic remark made by this teacher said to us so casually. To wonder “he must know some of us are gay, right?” To stop in my tracks: “does he know I’m gay?” 

To rush to the dining hall. To overhear my friends talking about prom. To be asked who I am taking to prom. To be so fucking sick of pretending. To say “my girlfriend.” To be asked “Oh, which friend?” To retreat back into pretending. 

To rush to my car after the final bell. To drive the grueling forty-five minutes in Chicago traffic to rehearsal. To smile for the first time of the day as I see my loving friends. To be asked “how’s the girlfriend?” To smile even bigger this time. To feel heard. To feel recognized. 

Process notes: I wrote this poem as a reflection of a day in my life in high school. When being at my conservative Catholic high school, I hid my queerness as best as I possibly could and tolerated the homophobic remarks being thrown my way. However, when I left school and went to band practice, I was able to remove this mask and embrace my queer identity fully. This poem represents the persona I had to inhabit daily in order to protect myself. It felt as if I was living in a traditional and modern world at the same time.